My testimony

My journey with God started at a very young age. I was baptized as a baby. My mom took me to an Evangelical Free church as a baby and at the age of five, I gave my heart to Christ. I loved Sunday school and was intrigued by the Psalm 23:4 - "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me." There was a sweet old couple at this church whom everyone called Grandma and Grandpa Sholtz (I may have the spelling wrong). They made a blanket for me, which I still have and will be passing on to my kids. During these early years, I also remember going to VBS at another church, which I loved. [Side note: Due to hypothyroidism, my memories of my childhood are spotty, but I will do my best to tell you what I do remember.] We continued going to this church until I was approximately eight years old. At this point, we moved to Idaho.

During the first couple of years in Idaho, my mom, sister and I attended a Presbyterian church. I also attended VBS at this church. I should mention, up to this point, my dad did not go to church with us. He grew up Catholic and was not comfortable (I'm still not sure why) with other denominations. I don't think he's comfortable with other denominations to this day, but he has opened up and tolerates prayer a bit more. He would stay home and make brunch/lunch that was typically ready by the time we got home. 

At this point, my mom decided she wanted dad to go to church, so she decided to convert to Catholicism. Of course, still being young (approx. 10 and 12) my sister and I followed suit. At first it was okay. We were going to a Catholic church on a college campus, so it was more up-beat and the priest, Fr. Terry, was pretty funny! While we lived in Idaho, I also attended summer camp. This was okay, but hard for me as an introvert. I was homesick after only two days and just did not care to be around so many people that I didn't know.

In April of 1997 we moved to Indiana. A second move, which was hard, but at this time, Hanson (yes, that Hanson) was coming onto the scene. I only mention this because Hanson then became my saving grace from then until about 2005. Their music gave me an escape from my hardships of loneliness, depression, thyroid issues and educational hardships. I still believed in God, but my focus was more on Hanson. This became especially true when I started taking Confirmation classes, which I greatly disliked. Being an introvert, I really preferred to blend into the background, but I do remember that we had a substitute teacher for one of these classes and I decided to bravely answer a question. This question was something to the effect of, "What does it mean to be confirmed?" My answer was that it meant to have a closer relationship with Jesus and God. This substitute teacher flat out told me I was wrong. Strike one against the Catholic church! Strike two against the Catholic church came when I was required to do at least one session of confession. This really did not sit well with me. If you recall, in the beginning of this post, I stated that I gave my heart to Christ at the age of five. I was not keen on confession because I did not believe that I needed to go to a priest to receive atonement for my sins. I believed that I could pray directly to God for atonement and anything else. After strike two, I was basically on auto-pilot and going to church just because my mom wanted me to and because I played flute in the "worship" band. It wasn't really a worship band, but I don't know how else to describe it.  

Strike three, for me, happened in May of 2001 when my Pepere (grandpa) died of cancer. I lost touch with my early foundation of Christ and was angry with God for taking my Pepere away from me. Even with strike three, I continued to go to church and youth group until I went off to college in September of 2002. I thought I was on the right path with God by attending Berklee College of Music in Boston, MA. 

Things really started going downhill at this point. I was living in a home for women run by Numararies. This home had a chapel and weekly mass on the first floor. It was around January 2003 after returning to Boston after Christmas break when I realized that I was depressed, running away from home and running away from God. My realization was that I wasn't even making an effort to wake up, and go down five flights of stairs to attend church. Yes, it was that easy and I wasn't doing it. Of course there were other factors, such as not doing well in many of my classes, which were music classes and doing really well in my gen ed class (English). So, in February of 2003, I withdrew from Berklee and headed home. In fact, I went home on February 14, 2003. 

Depression continued, as did running from God. My dad gave me until summer, then told me that I needed to either find a job or go back to school. I didn't know what to do. I started to apply for Ivy Tech for a degree in Computers. I was going back to what I was going to do before I decided on music. I remember being in the car with my mom and having the Christian radio station on, which is rare because my mom doesn't like having the radio on in the car if she's driving. I had a thought, "What about being on the radio?" So, my mom and I started researching and found that Purdue Calumet (now known as Purdue Northwest) had a Media Broadcasting degree. I went for it. I felt like I was finally really on God's path for my life, but I was still trying to run. 

Somewhere along the way, I think it was sometime in 2004, but I could be wrong, I met some girls online (also Hanson fans) that wanted to start a band. I decided to join the band and learn how to play the Bass guitar. Oh, did I mention they lived in Georgia? So, I went to GA for a week. This week included a photo shoot, recording session and of course, a Hanson concert. Unfortunately, as the week went on, things did not go well and the last straw was that I got to the airport late and missed my flight home. So, after that, I didn't talk to them anymore and went on with pursing my degree at Purdue Calumet. I was still just muddling my way through life, but I knew something had to change. I didn't like who I was or how my life was going.

On July 22, 2005 one of my sister's friends, whom she knew from Karate, called me and invited me to a college-age bible study that one of his friends was starting at a local Assembly of God church. I knew nothing about the AG denomination and to be honest, I didn't even really know this friend that well, aside from the fact that he and my sister were in Karate together and the friend (and his wife) who was starting this bible study also went to the same Karate school. I figured it wouldn't hurt to see what this bible study was about. Worst case scenario, I wouldn't find what I was looking for and I would have to keep searching. 

Fortunately, I stuck around the bible study and got more involved by helping John and Kim with the youth group, which they were leading at the time. I believe it was in August of 2005 when I rededicated my life to Christ and continued going to the bible study and helping with the youth. In November of 2005 I was baptized in water, this time by my own choice. I think it was New Years of 2005, a few of us attended the World Missions Summit in Kentucky. While there, I found out about a Media missions trip to Bangladesh. I felt like God was speaking to me about this, so I raised the money. On January 8, 2006, just four days after my 22nd birthday, I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. I went on the Media Mission trip to Bangladesh for two weeks in July of 2006. 

At some point, I honestly don't remember exactly when, John started a Young Adult group called Mpact and I was right there helping with the sound system and projector for worship. We met at a local coffee shop on Friday night.  

The group continued to grow and then the coffee shop shut down. We relocated to John's mom's basement and eventually added prayer meetings on Wednesday night. We would pray for hours. There was also all-church prayer on Saturday evening. After a while a new coffee shop opened up in the same spot, so we went back there. At some point during this time, I really started to feel like I was on the path God wanted me. I graduated in May of 2007 with my B.A. in Media Broadcasting, but I really wasn't feeling that field anymore. Around that time, or maybe a bit before, John was introduced to Chi Alpha Campus Ministries (XA), which is an interdenominational ministry of Assemblies of God for college students. He was praying about being the Pastor for Purdue Calumet and approached me with the opportunity to become a Missionary Associate (MA) for XA and help him at Purdue Cal. I prayed about it and felt like it was the direction God wanted me to go. 

As with many missionaries, I had to raise support as my salary. This was very difficult for me and I'll touch a little more on this later. I enjoyed being an MA, but it was somewhat difficult for me as an introvert. I suppose this was the beginning of God showing me how to be me, but still do what He wanted me to do. I continued as an MA for XA for quite a while and met some amazing people along the way. We even added a few people to Mpact from our work in XA at Purdue Cal. At least one of these people is now a Missionary with XA full-time. Anyway, we were still doing Mpact and things went well for a while at the new coffee shop and things were going okay with XA, but I was hitting a road block. 

Around October of 2008, I felt like XA wasn't for me anymore. I was really struggling with what was next. I prayed about it and decided that come January 2009, after the SALT conference, that I was going to pursue other things, even though I had no idea what those other things would be.

In November 2008, I started dating my first boyfriend, whose name will not be uttered. It was great at first, but it only took a few months before it started going downhill. Unfortunately, that relationship lasted until late April 2010.  I'll briefly say that the relationship was emotionally and physically abusive. Also, not something I really talk about freely or publicly. Let's just say that it scarred me and put a bad rep for men. It also took me at least six months to get over that relationship and take the blinders off of my eyes. It also took another year before I could really work through what happened and the shame I felt because of it, more on that in a bit.

All through this time, Mpact was still going, but the second coffee shop was closing as well. The church was doing some expansion and decided to build a coffee shop, which we could use on Fridays.  

In August of 2009 I finally found a part-time job working as a before and after school care person at a private school in Schererville. Not really my idea of fun, but I went with it. In late 2009, my dad found out that he got a job in Pennsylvania. I was torn as to whether or not I was going to move with them or stay in Indiana. It was a very difficult decision, but after much prayer, I decided that God would have me stay in Indiana. This was a tough nugget to swallow as an introvert. I had not intended to move out of my parent's home until I was married, but that wasn't looking promising any time soon as I was still in a horrible relationship. Side note: praise God that I didn't marry my ex! I don't believe in divorce, but I can tell you with certainty that I would have gone against that belief had I married him. Moving on my own was also a very uncomfortable thought as an introvert (good bye safe haven!) and only working part-time. By the grace of God (or not, I don't know) a fellow church goer offered me the opportunity to rent a house she owned for a fairly cheep price per month and my dad stated that he would pay my rent. So, I moved out on my own at the end of January 2009 at the age of 25. This house ended up being in a horrible area and I was scared to death, not to mention still enduring the bad relationship. I got another part-time job at a daycare....again, not my idea of fun (and for the most part, it was horrible, but I did end up meeting a few awesome people), but that's what God provided, so I went with it.

After a few months of working two jobs, I decided to go back to school. Still unsure of what to do, I prayed and felt like God was directing me to get my Masters in Education. I knew I couldn't work two jobs and go back to school, so I started full time at the daycare. Nightmare, but God got me through it. In the summer of 2010 I started taking two classes as a non-degree seeking student and applied for Graduate school. I got A's in both classes and was accepted into the School Counseling program! Thank you, God! The first few semesters were rough, but then I met three amazing ladies and we ended up doing all of our group projects together for the remainder of the program. We also still try to get together occasionally. 

I was let go from/quit the daycare job shortly after starting Grad school. It took a few months to find another job, but I found one at a local school as a Substitute Instructional Aid. This was great because it worked with my school schedule. Unfortunately, at the end of the school year, I was out of a job again. Thankfully, God provided only a couple of months later as Direct Support for a company that worked with individuals with disabilities. The company ended up being a pain in the rear, but again, I met some awesome people there and that led to the same position at another company where I stayed until June of 2014. I should mention that if I hadn't had those several years of working with kids at the schools and daycare, I wouldn't have gotten into the Graduate program. God had a plan!

Grad school really helped me to find out who I was and what I wanted. As far as men were concerned, I tried all the online dating sites and ended up going on one date with a guy, but he wasn't ready to move on from his ex, was leading me on and ended up being weird. So, I told him I wasn't interested anymore. That was very hard for me because I really desired to find the right man. I determined that I needed to finish my Masters and then I could find someone. 

Around April of 2014 I decided to give online dating one last go. I graduated with my Masters in early May and was on the search for a job as a school counselor. In late May I had looked at a particular guy's profile several times, but I was NOT going to be the first one to communicate and I told God, "If this is someone you want me to meet, you're going to have to tell him to contact me." A few weeks later, he messaged me. We started communicating and he was very sweet...good looking too! A few weeks after that, I applied for a job, a one year maternity leave position, that happened to be in the county just East of where this guy lived. Coincidence? NOPE. It was God, all God! I got the job and we met in person a few weeks later, but decided to take a bit of time to allow me to get moved and settled in for my new job. I tried finding an apartment in the county of the job, but had no luck. God wanted me in Jasper County. No just Jasper County, but the same city as this guy! So, I moved in mid-July and had my stuff unpacked in a matter of a few days with a few days to relax and get my new office ready before starting my new job. 

The Lake County fair is during the first few weeks of August. I wanted to go and decided to text this guy. He stated that he was going to text me and ask me if I wanted to go to the fair. Ha, thanks, God! That was our first official date. We grew pretty close and he decided to come to church with me. I had found a church the day after I moved here and fell in love with it...our current church! He ended up loving the church too. Fast forward to February 14, 2015 and he proposed! I said yes and we were married July 18, 2015.  Yup, that guy is my amazing and loving husband! 

The job turmoil wasn't over. I thought I was going to be hired on full-time at that school, but God had other plans. They gave the job to someone else. I had a very hard time with this and I was angry for a long time. I realize now that God removed me from that for one reason or another. I struggled to find a job. I found a part-time job just days before our wedding. That job was pretty good, but I was hoping for full time the next year. It didn't look like I was going to get it, but God worked it out. Of course, you know from my last post what happened with that job and that I'm still looking for work.

I know this was kind of all over the place and I'm sure I left out bits and pieces, but I hope you can follow it.

I suppose all of this is to say that there was a lot of hard times, tears, emotions, anger and questioning during my life. I am here to say that trough all of it, God has always been there. He has always provided one way or another. He has always brought the right people into my life at the right time, His time! 

Is life easy? No, not in the least! The good news is that I have a God who loves me and who sent his only begotten son, Jesus, to die for me. Guess what...He died for you too! I'm not saying that believing in God or Jesus or that following God will solve all of your or the world's problems. It won't! What I can say is that I honestly don't know how I would do it without Him! He orchestrated all of this...the people, the jobs, the provision, the timing...all of it and despite the hardships, He's given me peace that surpasses all understanding. 

I can't say that I would understand everything that you are going through, but I've learned to be a good listener and if you want to talk about something, feel free to reach out to me. There is a contact section on my website. 

Above all, I pray that you find the peace and love of God! You are loved!

Next up...life with hypothyroidism.