2017 - The year in review.

Well, 2017 is finally over! I say finally, because it was a tough year! I guess the first tough thing technically happened at the end of 2016...the school where I was working had to close due to financial deficit and low enrollment.

That was a hard reality to swallow. I finally felt like I had found a position and gotten a boss that understood me, allowed me to be myself and allowed me to do my job. Alas, it wasn't meant to last. I attempted to find another job before the school closed, but that wasn't God's plan. I was top three for a job that, in my mind, was the perfect next step, but that wasn't God's plan either. I was also determined that 2017 was going to be the year that everything fell into place and worked out. I don't know if that wasn't God's plan or if the devil just did a really good job of delaying God's plan.

We had put our house up for sale in order to be closer to work and upgrade, but the house wasn't selling, the house we wanted, sold and my job ended. So, I thought that I would find the job, we would move and upgrade houses and start a family. This was what we wanted in 2016 and were hoping for 2017, but it didn't happen. I really don't publicly talk about the last item of starting a family because it's a very emotional subject for me, but I am going to touch on it later in this post.

In late April my grandpa and last living grandparent passed away. This was emotionally difficult for me, but God allowed for a blessing through my uncle to be able to travel to Maryland for the memorial service. This trip, although sad, was wonderful to be with family and share memories of my grandpa! He lived a great life and I know that I will see him again in Heaven.

This past year was extremely difficult financially due to my husband being the only one working. The savings have been depleted and credit cards have racked up. Extra bills and unexpected spending was put on our path in the way of medical bills and car trouble.

As I stated in my last post, I have Hypothyroidism and take medication for it. There is a range for "normal" function and the amount of TSH produced depends on a lot of things. The levels can and do change based on lifestyle changes, other health issues and just because they want to change. Of course, losing a job, not being as physically active and being stressed all affect my levels. This being said, I was Hyperthyroid (over active) for quite some time due to these changed and kept putting off calling the doctor even though I knew it was not smart. I finally called and scheduled lab tests. Of course, those cost money.

Around August we decided that the house needed some more updates. Probably not the best financial decision for the moment, but a decision looking toward the future sell-ability of the house. We ripped up all the carpet in the living room and two bedrooms and put down laminate flooring. What a difference! My parents came down to help us get started and we finished. While finishing the flooring we got talking about the closet issue...the bedrooms shared a very narrow closet down the middle that really was not functional. Once again we decided that an update was needed. We cleaned out the closet, ripped it all out and my dad came down to help us divide the one closet into two separate closets, one for each room. Again, what a difference! We're still working on finishing the closets...we need to finish the muddling, sanding, paining, flooring and put in the shelves, but we'll get there!

My husband's "daily driver" car - a 2006 Dodge Stratus that was finally paid in full - started having mechanical issues. At first they were fairly simple and inexpensive, but later turned into an ongoing nightmare with the transmission. We took it in and were told it was fixed....only to have the same thing happen a week and a half later. A second time, it was fixed only to have the same thing happen a third time. We debated whether to continue fixing the car or getting rid of it. My father-in-law has been a mechanic for over forty years and took a look at the car. After much prayer and getting his opinion, we decided to cut our losses, get rid of the car, get a small loan and find a "new" (old) car. A friend and fellow church family member was able to help us locate the right car at the right price.

Things were going well! We received some financial blessings and were starting to pay off some of the credit card debt.

Unfortunately, 2017 had one more hard hit for us before the year ended. On Wednesday, December 27th, my husband was on the way to work in the wee hours of the morning. It was cold, snowy and pitch dark. Three deer decided to cross the road and my husband was unable to stop, hitting one of them. We were hopeful that the "new" (2004 Buick Regal, so not new, but new to us as we had it for only about two and a half months) car was fixable. We received an estimate from the insurance company and set up an appointment with a local auto body shop to drop off he car only to find out the next evening that the car was deemed a total loss. This was not what we were hoping, but God came through! We will be getting enough money, plus a bit more, to pay off the loan and we'll be able to go find another car!

Now for the hardest thing for me to discuss...starting a family. I'm tearing up as I type this, but I'm going to anyway. Maybe someone out there needs to know that they're not the only one struggling. We've been trying to start a family since August of 2016. This is the most gut-wrenching part of the year as we were really hoping that 2017 would be the year. As a quick side note, it can be either easy or hard for a woman with Hypothyroidism to conceive. It all depends on if her TSH levels and everything else are in order. As stated earlier, my levels have been off for a while. I finally got them back on track and was hoping and praying that maybe I would finally conceive. Alas, I have not.

My husband and I know beyond anything that God has promised us children (yes, more than one). Even knowing this, I have yet to conceive. I have cried more tears than I can count and my heart has ached so many times. Each negative test, each menstrual cycle that comes, each month that passes are more tears and more heartache.

Possibly the hardest part has been seeing so many friends and acquaintances,or people related to those, both in person and on Facebook announce their pregnancies and give birth. I try so hard and want so badly to be happy for them, but if I'm being completely honest, I'm not sure I truly am. At times I prayed that I would not be invited to baby showers and if I was, confessedly, I didn't go. I simply couldn't handle my sadness enough to go and be happy for them. I know that sounds horrible to say, but I'm being honest. Please don't get me wrong, I am happy for them and thank God for blessing them, but I am also still waiting for our (my husband and I's) blessing from God in the way of having children.

Our prayer is for twins, a boy and a girl. This could happen as I was a triplet and my husband's side of the family has twins (his maternal grandmother was a twin as well as others)! Not to mention, God can do anything! My husband and I fully believe that God will bless us with children in His timing and we vow that we will raise them in Him. Until His timing comes, we will continue to follow Him and love our wonderful fur kids (Miko - dog and Simba - cat).

So, yes, 2017 was a very tough year, but God was with us. He gave us the grace and blessings that we needed to get through it!

I don't do resolutions, but I do have a God-given word for each new year. In 2017 my word was Joy. As stated earlier, I thought that God was going to give us all these blessings in 2017, but He wanted me to find joy in Him no matter the circumstances. It certainly was a hard lesson to learn, but I think I finally got it.

God gave me two words for 2018: praise and grace! Praise Him in everything and He will give me the grace to get through it all!

2018 is going to be the best year, yet! We are believing for abundant blessings and everything we were waiting for in 2017 plus more!

Life is tough sometimes, but when you're down and out, bow your head, say a prayer and keep on moving!