Who am I?

Who I am goes back way before I even existed. The Bible tells me that God created me in my mother's womb. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb." - Psalm 139:13 (NIV) This, I am sure. My mom miscarried at three months and found out that she still had twins. My twin, Amy and myself. We were born two months premature. I weighed 2 lb. 3 oz. and Amy weighed just 1 lb. 6 oz. Unfortunately, God called Amy home after only two weeks of being here on Earth.

The fact that I am still here a few days shy of my 34th birthday tells me that God has a plan and a purpose for me. I sometimes forget this and still am not entirely sure what this plan and purpose is, but despite many different challenges throughout my life, I keep moving.

Aside from being premature and spending two months in the hospital as a baby, I have had some health challenges along the way. These include eye trouble, breathing issues and thyroid issues. I had two or three surgeries on my eyes when I was very young to correct crossed eyes and eye mussels not functioning correctly. The breathing issues aren't bad, but due to being on oxygen for two months in the hospital and a few more at home after I was born, my lungs aren't what they could be. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism at just two weeks old. This means that they thyroid does not produce enough TSH (Thyroid-stimulating hormone is a pituitary hormone that stimulates the thyroid gland to produce thyroxine, and then triiodothyronine which stimulates the metabolism of almost every tissue in the body). I have a thyroid, but it does not produce any TSH. I take medication daily to replace the TSH that my body does not produce. Think of the thyroid as the control center of your body. If it is not functioning correctly, nothing in your body is functioning correctly. If gone untreated long enough, the major organs in the body start shutting down. Pretty scary, huh?

There are all kinds of symptoms that I've dealt with throughout my life. These symptoms can change depending on if I am not getting enough TSH or too much TSH. The list is very long, but a lot of what I've dealt with up to this point in my life is: tiredness, sleeplessness, wanting to sleep all the time, mussel aches, headaches, weight gain, weight loss, trouble losing or gaining weight, depression, memory loss, brain fog... there's more, but listing more would just be redundant and I would probably never cover them all. I'll come back to this in another post.

Aside from health challenges, I've had learning challenges. Some are due to the thyroid issues, while others are just learning deficits that any person could endure. I did not do well with math or science in school. Reading was not a strong suit and I'm still not a huge fan of reading to this day. It has to be something that really catches my interest. Reading and math have gotten easier over the years.

I always thought that I was shy. It wasn't until just a few years ago that I made the realization that I'm not really shy, I'm an introvert. If you look up introvert in the dictionary (especially Dictionary.com) one definition will say shy. This is really not the case. Introverts may exhibit characteristics of being shy, but the truth of the matter is that it's much deeper than that. I personally do not like to be embarrassed in public, I don't like to be the center of attention, especially among a lot of people. I can handle people for a little while, but it's exhausting and I need to recharge after a while. I have a small, select group of people that I trust completely and consider my closest friends. These individuals have proven to me that they accept me for who I am and will not try to change me. I despise small talk. Small talk is not my thing. I want to dig deep. Let me into your world. Let's talk about what makes you tick, not the weather. Small talk is aggravating. There's a lot more to it, but that's for another time as well.

I suppose all of this was to say that despite any challenges I may have faced along the way, God still has a plan and a purpose for me! I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He had me get both of my degrees (BA in Media Broadcasting and MS of Education in School Counseling). It's still unclear to me how he will continue to use either one, but He's showing me bit by bit, year after year.

There's a lot more to say, but that's enough for one post. This really didn't go as smoothly as I had planned, but that's okay! Next up...a recap of 2017 and then my testimony.